Thoughts on Attraction
Friday night I got all dolled up (eye shadow, painful high heels and everything) to attend a party. At the beginning of the evening a friend and I were dud magnets. If you are boring and not very attractive, you talked to us. Even after we tried to politely make an exit by saying we were going to the bar, you asked us to get you a drink, or you followed us. You were not bad guys or losers. Just not guys we were interested in talking to. Ironically (or maybe karmically) there were two guys who we thought were kind of cute and amusing that we ended up with in conversations. Except they walked away from us. Twice. We joked (and wondered) if they were trying to avoid us like we were trying to avoid the duds that kept talking to us.
I did have a conversation with one guy in particular that was funny. He had a razor(ish) sharp sense of humor. I admit, I enjoy the challenge of trading barbs with someone who almost offends me but pushes me to be wittier. He was not unattractive but still not my type. He made a comment that he wouldn’t have talked to me so much if I wasn’t so cute. (First of all, ick) And rhetorically (at least he thought so) asked “Isn’t that why you are talking to me? Because I’m cute?” (again, ick) I truthfully told him I hadn’t decided yet if I was attracted to him. He actually tried to argue with me that I was. Which is kind of funny and probably to some girls attractive. Sometimes cockiness can be intriguing. But other times it’s just annoying.
I tried to explain to him that while for men attractiveness is black or white, for women it’s all kinds of grey shades. Men are attracted or they are not. At least, that’s been my observation. I think it can evolve and change at times. But pretty much, it’s there or it’s not.
For woman though it’s so much muckier. Sometimes you can be a bit attracted to someone. Just a bit, there are random moments it pops up (sorry for the pun) and moments its just not there at all. At times I have met a guy and been intrigued by him but not sure if attraction was going to show up or not, so then I go on a date with him. And at times, on the date, he’s charmed me in his own way and then wham! I want to kiss him. And other times I’ve gone on a date with someone and although they are charming and interesting and a great guy, I just don’t feel it. And know that I never will.
In that way it’s black and white for me. Once I realize it’s not there. It’s not there.
An interesting thing to note (at least interesting to me) is that I did kiss someone Friday night, someone who the first time I met I thought he was cute. But then occasionally times I hung out with him, I found him kind of annoying. He is charming and a good guy but he’s a LOT of personality at times. And while he could be fun to hang out with, I didn’t think of him as cute as the first time I met him. But the magic of Vodka, the dance floor at Carols, and the late hour I guess a moment was created so I kissed him. I don’t know why, I just know that in that moment it seemed to make sense.
Who knows why, when or how attraction occurs.
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