My birthday is this coming Wednesday. Birthdays, for me, are a touchstone. They are a time to reflect on where I am in my life. I both love and hate birthdays. I mean, who doesn’t love cake? And gifts? And people celebrating YOU? I’ve been known to wear a tiara on my birthday. (The rest of the year I am not a Tiara kind of girl) And drink very large, very alcoholic drinks. Over the years photographic evidence is abundant of me holding a drink, smiling, wearing either the aforementioned tiara or a birthday hat.My favorite birthday celebrations vary from my first slumber party when I was a kid to a surprise keg at my neighbors in college to my birthday two years ago when I threw myself a bowling party. I bowled in a short dress and tiara (and a vodka tonic in hand). And have a picture of the men in my family wearing hello kitty party hats. Now that’s a good time.
The thing that I hate about birthdays is the whole reflection on where I am in my life. Some years it’s been all happy with my job, happy with my friends, happy with my life. Other years it’s been what-the-hell-am-I-doing freaking out? (That was most memorably 29 and 30 and 31).
This year, well this year I don’t love my job, in terms of responsibility, challenges and salary, it’s where I was ten years ago. And on top of that, they cut me back to part time. And, well, that’s all weighing on me.
Looking over the past year, since my last birthday:
I failed as a waitress. I mean, I’m REALLY bad. I should never wait on tables.
Got deeper in debt.
Wrote less than I have in years.
Not kept in touch with people as much as I should, would like, need to.
Went on one, and only one date.
Gained fifteen pounds.
But,
I made some great, amazing, extraordinary new friends.
Solidified newish and old friendships.
Was weightless. Total, no gravity, floating in the air, weightless.
Flew a plane. (as in, I flew the plane.)
Had my second story published.
So, I guess, maybe, this past year was, like most years, good and bad. The lows this year were not as bad, at all, as past years. But also, the highs could have been higher. So, as this next birthday approaches, I guess, bring it on. I’m ready for the next year. Ready to challenge myself, ready to succeed and fail, and all that messy crap of life. And in the meantime, as always, I’m amazed at the people in my life who love me and support me and make it all worthwhile.
