Projecting My Ridiculous Insecurities

I returned home last night after almost two weeks on the East Coast at my parents house. It was a week of drinking wine, napping, making fun of each other and board games. All around a good holiday and great family time.

When I got home I came home to a pissed off cat (she does not like it when I leave) and an empty fridge. To be honest, it wasn't empty. What it did contain was rotting left overs and sour milk. So I ventured out to a Deli around the corner from me to get some take out. Whenever I order take out or delivery I usually order enough for two meals. It's my own warped form of multi-tasking. I reason with myself that if it's delivery and I'm paying for the delivery I'm actually saving money. I'm not sure how I'm justifying it when it's take out. Anyway, I order a bit of food. The last time I was there when I told the guy that it was To Go, his comment was "I assumed you weren't eating it all yourself." Except that I was.

Tonight when he handed me my order he said something about getting a workout on my way home. I assumed he was referring to the size (and the content) of my order. I'm pretty sure I blushed and was about to make some reference to "we" (we being my imaginary dinner partner so he wouldn't think I was eating all that food by myself). Then I realized he was actually referring the weight of my order, as in, the bag was heavy. (Not me)

I need to relax.

And enjoy my mozzarella sticks, my brownie, my chili mac. yum.

Thankful for Chicago

Things in Chicago for which I am thankful
(and while I love them, I’m staying away from the obvious things like the Lake and the Cubs)

The CTA

It’s like dating a bad boy or having that friend. Unpredictable, frequently late, crowded, frustrating. But it serves a purpose. And it’s worth it for those moments. Like on the brown line when you cross the Chicago river or on the 145 or 146 on Lake Shore Drive and you get that view of the Lake Front. For those moments of “Wow” I’m grateful.




Two sided.

If you get a card from me, 99% of the time I purchased it at Two Sided. They have the best selection of cards and wacky unique gifts. Plus it usually smells nice because of all the different candles in there. And they have dog biscuits outside the store. That’s just cuteness all around.


Large Intelligentsia skim lattes with three packets of Splenda.

The foam is crack. My crack. When I take that first sip I have to resist moaning out loud. Public displays of java orgasms are just not cool.


Matilda’s and it’s bartenders.

My local. My home away from home to drink. I like it best during the week when it’s quieter, a little older. Less drunk horny twenty-somethings and more grown ups getting tipsy on a Monday night. I crave the fish tacos and I think the best deal ever is Fish Taco Tuesdays. They have my favorite juke box in the city. But really my favorite thing about Matilda’s is that they always make me feel at home and totally welcome. Like I’m their favorite regular. I have no delusions about this. I have bartended and waited tables but still I eat it up. And my favorite bartender is Calvin. He’s adorable, funny and always engaging to talk to. He’s flirty in the right way. (but sorry girls, he does have a girlfriend) Still, I like some innocent flirting with my vodka. And he’s an amazing musician. sigh.

Sweet Mandy B’s cupcakes.

I miss Magnolia Bakery. I do. And I wanted to love Cupcakes (since it is on my corner) but really, really, my absolutely favorite cupcakes in Chicago are Sweet Mandy B’s. The icing is sugary and the sprinkles pastel. I don’t know what it is with me and cupcakes, but I love LOVE love them. And Sweet Mandy B’s are my favorite. Just. Simply. YUM.

Caught without a pen

I had the perfect idea for a story. It was going to be my Pushcart Prize, my O'Henry winner. There was an object in the story and it was the perfect metaphor for something. It was original and brilliant. I thought of it while riding on the bus, but I didn't have a pen on me. I can't remember it now. This is why writers always have a pen and at least a scrap of paper on them.

~~~
I had another venti cup of crack today. I love the starbucks near my office because I actually ordered a "Venti, Nonfat cup of crack, foam, no whip." Love the guys there. Although my barista was pushing the sprinkles. But perfection doesn't need extra trimmings.
~~~
Small things make me happy. Like chopsticks. Eating chicken and broccoli stir fry with chopsticks feels like an occasion. Even if I order from the Chinese restaurant on my corner at least once a week, it still feels like an occasion.
~~~




Now that it is a new year, I've been thinking about the one that just past. It was a big year for me. I changed cities, I changed lives. Plus, on a morbid note, I did not attend one funeral in 2005. Which I think is the first year since 2001 that has happened. So, it I would say, all in all it was a good year.

These are the happy moments for me in 2005 (in no particular order):


Getting into the Art Institute. I had to re-read the acceptance letter several times.


Lunch at Atlantic Grill with my brother. It was a too hot, white sun in our eyes June day and we ordered the Shellfish castle. I went through a shellfish phase this summer, it was like I was addicted to raw oysters and shrimp. The "Castle" is really for four people. They had to move us to a larger table. People walking by on the street stopped and stared at it. It towered over us as we spun it around, searching for the next clam or oyster or shrimp. It was a glorious display of decadence, sitting outside on a weekday afternoon, eating too much overpriced shellfish at a restaurant on the Upper East Side.

Dinner at Pipa with the girls. It was one of those of nights when there was a surprising warm weather and everyone in Manhattan leaves work early to drink cocktails outside. It was right after I got into grad school and SD was offered the job in Singapore and EL had just moved to New York. Later we went to the Brandy Library and MM and EL stole wine glasses. It was just one of those nights that I loved being in New York and I loved having friends who had known me since college.

London. I hated it and I loved it. I hated flying back and forth and being jet lagged for a month straight, a week here and week there. I loved hating it, and I hated that I loved it. I loved everyone in the office there. I missed New York the whole time I was there and couldn't wait for a proper cup of coffee - even at Starbucks the Brits have figured out how to ruin coffee, and yet I felt determined to come back. Of course, waiting for the car service to pick me up at JFK, it was warm and sunny and all blue skies and I thought that I would never want to go to London again in the middle of the summer.

My brother's graduation from Syracuse. Even though he and I fought in the car driving home. Once we are in car together for a long road trip, we are instantly five and fifteen again. But that weekend, it was nice to be with my family and I was proud of him.

Fourth of July, lunch and cocktails at Sushi Samba with KW and VR.

My first night sleeping in my apartment in Chicago.

My birthday. I threw myself a party and invited people from school that I barely knew, and found out that I had new friends.

Sailing on Lake Michigan in my uncle's boat with my parents and my uncles and my aunt. Oh and that same weekend that they were in town, I had a "date" with my dad and we had ice cream at a soda shop in my neighborhood. He can't hide how excited he is that I have moved to the city of his childhood. Like all real Chicagoans, transplanted or not, he believes that Chicago is the best place in the world.

Lunch at the Central Park Boathouse with SD.

New Years Eve at KW's. Seeing all my New York friends again. CH turning to me after I told a dirty joke and saying with real emotion and nostalgia "I've really missed you." SD was back from Singapore, and JC came up from DC, and then we went to Biddy's afterwards. It was the only way I wanted to say good bye to 2005.